I’m shy, so lets call me “Confused” (as corny and un-imaginative as it is).  I was introduced to your blog a few days ago by some new friends who told me you offer excellent and life-changing advice…which is exactly what I could use right now…my apologies in advance for such a long winded note
Hi Ape,
I fell in love with an amazing man I was introduced to by my roommate my in college.  We became exclusive very quickly and were inseparable for a year until I graduated and moved …

Ape, I was just watching a match and enjoying my beer, and as I was leaving I asked the guy next to me something about the bar…2 hours later we were still talking. He is mature, intelligent has a good job etc… very different than the losers I date, and he kept saying how amazing it is to talk to someone that is into the same things (art history etc..), and indeed we really connected and he asked me to go dancing later. I called him and he didn’t pick …

Ape,
I met this guy online because we have mutual interests. He is friends of friends but lives in a different country. But since we have the same interests and nerd out about the same things, we chat a lot, so of course it’s gotten a bit flirty. What’s your take on meeting over the internet? Is it dumb that I have a crush? I can’t go into details, but we are both into obscure art and have the same tastes. It’s not often I meet someone that likes the same …

We have a little something different today. I know some of you might wonder to yourself, “but where does steven go when he needs answers?” And I’ll tell you, Yahoo Answers™ of course. Yahoo knows all, from what a carburetor is to the literal meaning of literal; and everything inbetween. What I didn’t know is that Yahoo Answers™ can also answer “the big question”; the meaning of life. I know that because I came across How can i be happy with no purpose? in the resolved question category. Phew! Anyway, …

Aside from all the rufied-13-year-old-and-did-her hubbub, or the botched trial and the fact he is a fugitive.. the dudes movies are only just o.k. at best (yea, I said it..) and he still wears leather pants. The latter being an extraditing and jail-able offense of its own merit. So lets stop all the exonerating babble and utter disbelief, please. I’m totally tired of hearing it.

Ape-
What do you do if you hate your job, and then don’t really like your home life either? I feel like that guy in American Beauty who says the best part of his everyday is when he jerks off in the shower in the morning. Is this living? Sorry for being vague, but I fear the details would instigate such an intense and acute attack of boredom that it may be fatal.

Have you watched the movie Darkon? Well I have, and let me tell you, it is beyond epic. If …