ex-problems…
I think I’ve figured it all out. Seriously. After what, four years? Four years of answering questions, many that repeat over and over again, I’ve figured out what everyone’s problem is out there. Relationship damage. So much of it. People just constantly want to pull old relationships into new ones. It’s only been a year, so I want to take it slow. Or, I was hurt really badly before. Or, I have trust issues. Or, or, orrrr…. I could do these for days. Everyone’s reason why their last relationship has to have some bearing on their new one. It’s getting so old that I’m starting to lose patience with those questions. It’s also the only thing that Scientology did get right. Even those wackos know this: Don’t drag your old shit into new shit. The only thing it’ll do is make you end up with more shit.
I had o a recent request from someone to nope people who always have ex troubles, and I am in complete agreement on that one. I understand if you just got dumped and need some venting. That’s totally understandable. We’re talking about those who just always have some form of ex drama, making us wonder, “Do they like it this way? They must.” You know who we’re talking about, or even worse, you might be who we’re talking about. I can totally understand if there are babies or kids involved. Those people get a pass for extended drama. But the rest of you, how hard is it? Split your shit up, move across town and go get way too drunk a few times with the friends. I’ll even give you allowance for being way too sad for way too long. It happens to the best of us.
But then there are the others. The couples that break up and just can’t let go. It’s always one person trying to hang on, and one person claiming that it’s the others fault, even though they play the part too. The part I’m talking about is where they just don’t say, “It’s over, stop this.” This gets to the root of why it’s all so frustrating: The person we’re talking about has the ex-drama because it’s a way to stay connected with the ex. It always is, even though they’ll serve all sorts of lip-service telling you otherwise. I’m all for people having whatever problems they have, be it hung-up on exes or past relationships or whatever. The thing that really gets me is when someone is trying to convince me of the lies they are telling themselves.
So if you’re one of those people who always has ex drama, start asking yourself why. And begin to realize that a lot of people find it annoying. Of course he didn’t invite you to his wedding, you’re an ex. That’s how it works. Her new boyfriend doesn’t like you calling? Duh to the Nth degree. But we were best friends!! And now you are exes. Put it on ice for a few years and check back down the line when “friend” actually means friend and not wolf-in-friend-clothing. Most of all, there comes a point when the rest of us just don’t want to hear about your arguments with the ex. You broke up, what more is there to fight about after that?
How does it feel to achieve enlightenment?
Ah, but one cannot help another achieve enlightenment, by saying something so directly! That is the real reason for The Ape!
Anyways, yeah, walking on tiptoes because of someone else’s fuck ups sucks, when it comes to spending personal time with someone else.
Guilty!! I know many people who are like this, and I have had trust issues, I think people in general will always have issues. What I learned its really the person you are, how strong you are as a person to move on and learn…and then its who you chose…if you know people come with all this drama and baggage no matter what it is…you yourself have to take full responsibility to accept what your getting yourself into..people can’t change, and if so they have to realize it and change themselves! I agree though mos def with you!!
I agree with you in theory, ape, about not bringing past shit into new shit. But it’s so much easier said than done. The past experiences we’ve had make who we are today, for better or worse. Anyone who’s been in a relationship is going to be shaped somewhat by that past experience – whether it’s trust issues or what have you.
It would be awesomer than awesome if you could control these feelings but it’s not always possible. Someone who was attacked by a dog when they were a kid is likely going to be a little afraid of dogs. If they were attacked by three dogs, on separate occasions, they will be even more afraid of them. It’s not always a conscious choice.
Anyone who has lived at all is going to have some sort of “baggage” (hate that word, but I guess we all know what I’m talking about). But hopefully that baggage isn’t debilitating and you work with it. Or like the line in Rent, “I’m looking for baggage that goes with mine.” We’ve all got it. I suppose it helps to be aware of it and know what it’s doing to you, but it’s a difficult process to actually get rid of. I’m not even sure it’s entirely possible. And it doesn’t make you a bad or lesser person. It’s just life.
Perhaps that’s why Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind struck a chord with so many people. Wouldn’t it be nice to just erase all the hurt and pain? I love that movie.
BUT I totally agree on the ex stuff. When it’s over it’s over. Cut the cord. S/he’s your ex for a reason. No good is going to come of that.
Thank you, singlegirlie, for appropriately using both “chord” and “cord” in the same post.
Hmm.. all good points. Maybe I have to be more understanding. I’ve got all sorts of problems, but dragging in past pain to new relationships is not one of them. To me it would feel like eating at a different restaurant and complaining that you got a bad meal at the last one. It’s a new person, and there is going to be new shit. Clear the slate, you’re going to need it!
Leave your response!
profess your like...
big buttons...
Tags
Blogroll
Archives
Recent Posts
Most Commented
Recent Comments