So here’s the deal. I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 and a half years almost a year and a half ago. Most of the reason we broke up was the fact that we had both gotten jobs 2000 miles away from each other and just wasnt working (Im not going to blame it all on distance but that was the straw that broke the camel’s back). Anyways, a really good friend of mine (and his) travels a lot and recently got stationed in the city that he works in. Needless to say, they have hit it off and are now getting down and doing the hanky panky. If we had to put down lines of friendships, this chick belongs to me. She is my friend over his… (i.e. even though we live on opposites of the country we get together every New Years and party together we are invited to mutual weddings, we go on trips together, etc. and she hasnt seen hi m since well before we broke up). Now I get that you cant help who you fall in like or love with… life just doesnt work like that. if they are happy, woo hoo!!!! that is completely awesome for them. but does that mean when i see them at my friend’s wedding together i have to sit and talk to them and pretend i am ok with it? i mean i am alright with doing the whole adult smile,nod and saying i am happy for you! which to be honest i am, i am happy that they are both happy, it is a nice thing. im not pissed that they are together but it is just awkward– i dont want to hear from her about how fabulous her sex life is and what a great valentines day she had (i mean come on!). so at what point can i say excuse me and go knock back a glass of wine and asked to be sat at another table? seriously… ape help a girl out.

Sometimes when I run I write books in my head. I usually get the intro and a few chapters down on a good long run. I wish there was such thing as thought-to-text because I’d be a prolific rambler if that were the case. The other day I was running and thinking about the straight nope I wrote about people who order with poor manners and it dawned on my that I should write a new manners book. The intro was all about how this isn’t your parents Miss Manners with rules about which fork to use first because sadly, our bar is much lower. It would be more a return to basics with just common courtesy on how to order food, or beer or just be all around pleasant and polite and return a little human to human kindness to the world. That’s the intro, or chapter one because when people call it an intro I don’t read it. Chapter two would be how to order coffee. A whole chapter? Yes, I think I could fill it. This is a major one, it’s the kickstart to everyone’s day. Some (me) might even argue that the failing of manners at the morning coffee spot is the birth of a rudeness spirals downward for the rest of the day. Everyday. Chapter three would be ordering food (look at the waiter and not the menu when you order, slob). And chapter three is dating manners. There is so much to cover, it might even be split into a few chapters. But dating friend’s exes? Definitely a lot of coverage.

I don’t know how it all went down in your situation, but I’m a big believer in a friend having a talk with the other friend to tell them they’ve gotten heavy with the ex. And if it’s just sex, you’re not allowed to do it. Or make sure the friend never finds out. But like you say, you can’t fight the love, so if they really want to do it.. there should have been a talk. I hope you at least got your talk, and didn’t just hear about it through friends or see Facebook pictures of them together on top of some mountain. That’s never good. Let’s for the sake of this ramble assume that you did get the courtesy call. It doesn’t soften the blow. Anyone who has been there knows the only thing that sucks more then having someone up on your cake is if it is someone you know. But at least you don’t figure it out by getting Sherlock Holmes on wall posts or holes in mutual friend’s stories. Does that mean that you have to be nice? No. Like you said, you can be cordial, but you can also go sit somewhere else. Most likely the awkwardness is sitting on both sides of the table, with the scales tipping toward them anyway. As for hearing about Valentine’s Day, date night or good sex? Fuck that! you don’t even have to listen to the story about his car battery dying at work so she picked him up. In fact, you can tell her “I’m happy for you, but honestly, I don’t want to hear about any of it.” Personally, I just don’t think that is an unreasonable request in the situation.

It’s great that you want to be the bigger person, and not make things difficult. More people should figure that out, the world would be a better place and all that bla bla bla.. But at the same time, your friend is shagging your ex. Remind yourself of that when you feel like you might be acting a little difficult. It is difficult, so you are allowed to act as such. If they can’t understand that, that’s their problem not yours. I’ve been there, and can say it’s likely they’ll either break up or you’ll get used to it or both. It’s not the end of an era, just a breather from a friend. So knock that glass back and make out with the brides younger brother on the dance floor. Yee-haw.

bonus song: I can’t stop listening to this song today. I’m a sucker for girls who sing over Townes Van Zandt style songs.. and this is way up there. Basia Bulat “Home of my Own”. I think I’ve had it on repeat for two hours, and when I went to shorten the name for posting, I went with the acronym… h.o.m.o. I swear I heard my computer laugh at me when I realized what it spelled. Homo.mp3. I hope you love it like I do.

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