Today gets a nope. Not the whole thing, it was actually really great. But the part where I left the house for sure and a few characters in particular. So here’s the story. Steven’s Song, if you will:

Somewhere around the middle of the day I had to make a run to get some ski socks. I know, it sounds weird, but it had to happen. (Long story that’s boring and kind of gross.) Being Los Angeles the ski shop is far, and lame. But I remembered that there is a weird ski/snowboard outlet downtown so I looked it up because that’s really close. On their website of deals I saw further incentive with these words:

NEW for DOWNTOWN LOCATION…
SATURDAY SPECIAL PARKING DOWNTOWN:
PARK NEXT DOOR TO US FOR $5.00. WE WILL PAY FOR YOUR PARKING!
DURING THE WEEK WE WILL CREDIT YOU UP TO $10.00 ON ANY PURCHASE OF $75.00 FOR YOUR PARKING.

So I got in the car and hit it. As I saw the parking garage they were talking about, I asked the guy specifically if it was parking for the shop and he said yes, while at the same time rushing me to move it in (even though no one was behind me). When I got down there it was empty and the dude is like “five dollars”. And I’m all, “I thought this was parking for the shop?” and he explains I have to pay and they’ll pay me back. I fumbled through my pockets like I was getting all the cash, but I knew specifically that I only had $4 on me. I’m a big believer in just paying what people want, or not buying whatever it is they have. I know too many hustlers who save dollars at the expense of alienating themselves with everyone. I’ve content not being one of those people. Of course everyone once in a while I’ll question a price, but I wouldn’t chisel the parking attendant out of a buck.

But in this case a felt a bit hustled by the homey on the street so I continued to fumble. I hadn’t noticed a woman waiting to get her car until she asked if I needed a dollar. Not in that “I need my fuckin’ car.. if giving you a dollar will get it quicker.. here!” kind of way, just as a sweet gesture from a nice person to a dude who may or may not have been a day late, but was definitely a dollar short. The attendant insisted she not give it to me and said $4 was fine.

I go upstairs, and find the shop. It’s the discount classic. Windows must cost a lot of money, because it always turns out the places that skip them have stuff for half the price. This place was one of those, nothing fancy just racks and stuff. The people were super helpful (a dad and his son) and I got all my things together while watching the dad sell a snowboard to some dude. In the middle of mounting the bindings he jumped over to ring me up. As he was I mentioned that I had parked next door. I was even going to ask for a $4 discount and a buck so I could pay the guy, but before I could get any of that out he’s all over me “No way, can’t do. That’s for $75 and over, sorry buddy.” I let that sit for a second before coming back with “oh, I’m not trying to hustle here, I just thought it said on the website free parking on Saturday..” to which he threw back “No. It says on the website purchases over $75. Listen I’m giving you $4 off, so..” and then he said the words that really annoyed me.. “you win, ok?”

I win? Shit, I was just asking about the free parking. Of course I looked it up when I went home and read what’s printed above. If anyone can read that as with a $75 purchase on Saturdays, please let me know. Of course I sent him an email stating politely that although the experience was mostly pleasant, the parking sitch at the end was a bit harsh, especially since the website does in fact say they pay for Saturday parking.

I was feeling easy like a rainy Saturday afternoon still though and none of it really bothered me that much. Especially since I knew when I got home I’d see on their webpage that I was right. My next stop was the grocery store, just wanted to get some extra firm tofu and the bread that’s always hot. As I’m waiting in the express line, these two bearded older men get behind me. Velcro shoes and jeans. The kind of dudes that look like they still live in mom’s basement. If you read this site you know I love an epic shopping basket spotting and this one was top 10 material: two oil cans of Fosters. A chicken. A tub of country crock and an 18 pack of Miller Gen. Draft. You know, the usual few things from the store.

Right away the one guy is getting belligerent. Yelling at the woman two ahead of me. “C’mon! Fuck! Goddamn bastards! I gotta pee… fuckin slow ass.. YOU DON”T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY..MOVE ALONG..” Finally the woman gets her shit together and leaves. He was kind of saying it just at that level where she doesn’t exactly hear it. Up comes the next guy and same thing “C’mon! FUCK! Slide the fuckin card and lets move it!” etc. By this point I’m a little annoyed, most likely because I was the one who had to listen to it all. He must have heard my thinking.. that went something like “I swear.. if this dudes starts giving me shit too, I’m shoving that chicken up his ass and the country crock down his throat…try me” because he zipped up when it was my turn. He even gave a mumbling “that’s more like it” as I grabbed my shit.

I walked out of there and head for home while thinking to myself “I could have just stayed home and cleaned today, it would have been a much better experience”. But then I wouldn’t have a story, or socks, or the vision of that awesome two fosters and a chicken shopping basket, or the spotting of the trashed van with rocker chick posters in the windows and the bumper sticker that said “Men Age like Wine, Women age Like Milk”. (Wth?) And I still got my free parking. I guess it wasn’t such a bad day after all.

Epilogue: I got an email back from the shop owner.. I would have loved to hear him admit the website wording is all wrong.. but you can’t have everything.

Hi Steven;

I am sorry if I gave you that impression… It was a crazy day and I was short of help. That is no excuse but I didn’t intend to be abrupt with you. The you win comment was directed that I gave you a deal…. thanks for you feedback and I hope you have a good weekend. I look forward to you coming back in the store.