What’s that? Some anonymous guy gets his very own nope? Yup. I know, It’s a first, but probably not a last. Here’s the story: I was running around the reservoir minding my own biz when I realized I was thirsty. The gnarly dirt dog park has a water fountain so I decided to use it. Luckily for me my dogs won’t have it if I try to take them to this particular dirt patch. I say luckily, because like my dogs, I don’t like it either. I guess it’s fitting. My dogs don’t like the other dogs and their human doesn’t like the other humans. For starters it’s one of those places that has surely had a few TV shows pitched about.. “Opening scene, we see a couple flirting by the water bowls, cut to: dogs playing.. cut back to: couple and third guy comes up. He’s angry, is he an ex? Is he the current? We don’t know…” You get the idea. Total scene. And secondly, it’s casually populated with dog weirdos. I’m not a huge fan of dog weirdos.

So anywaaaaaay.. To get into the park is like being launched into outer-space from your mother ship. There are two gates with a holding area inbetween. The whole point of the two gates is so that when you are in the park leaving, some park dog doesn’t just bolt for the street, right? So I’m just spacing out and I open the gate to go in, where there is a guy and a girl and two dogs. The guy mutters to me, “canyiungwatee?” And I say (while holding the gate open) “what?” And the dude retorts with that full gutteral, fire-in-the-eyes, I-hate-my-life-and-I’m-about-to-beat-you-like-a-wife voice “CAN. YOU. WAIT?!” Now, here’s the part that I have to admit is a pet peeve of mine. I really hate being yelled at by strangers. It sets me off. The way I see it, life is hard enough without random people chewing you out, right? Even if I was in the wrong (which I wasn’t) just bitch to the girlfriend. it’s not like tomorrow we are going to find ourselves in this same circumstance, in fact he will probably never see me again. (Yay.)

The initial shock made me close the gate, because if I had thought about it for one second I would have said no, and held it wide open. That’s my style. But apparently this guy thinks the two gates is some kind of staging area for leashed-to-unleashed dogs and I disturbed EVERYTHING! When they finally entered the park, with me behind them, I was fighting back saying anything. I knew it would have come out fierce, I tend to get pretty caustic in such situations. Maybe commenting on his schlumpy cargo-clamdiggers or dirty tshirt hanging off the edge of the enlarged beer belly. The wit can be sharp, especially when I stab someone in the face with it. So I didn’t say anything, even though I really, really wanted to. If he is so concerned about the dog bolting, I have a brilliant idea. It’s called a leash. Yea, just like the one he just took off the dog. Use said leash to walk the dog through the second gate. Sucka!

I guess the bigger nope is yelling at strangers, but more specific nope to dog dude, you bitter, mean and schlumpy loser. I bet you bought the dog from some breeder in Topanga too. Asshole.