Wow Ape, where to start? I got into a very heavy relationship with a close friend of mine during some serious personal transitions in my life. He came on strong and I managed to push him away numerous times. Every time he was gone, I wanted him to return. I kept him at a distance because I saw my personal life spiraling out of control, but eventually I did fall in love with him. However, once I did, I wanted more from him. I’m guessing that because I had kept …

Hey Ape, Would you help me with this one. I live in NYC for a very famous magazine. Because I’m 22, they pay me little for doing a ton of work. You can’t live in NY without help from your parents. I really appreciate their help, but along with their help comes too many phone calls and too many visits to the Big Apple. My parents are addicted to me, and it’s hard to say no to them. They live four hours away and in the past six week, they’ve …

I know, like it needs to be said that Sarah is all nope, but it just won’t quit. I have to admit she has always scared me. She is an idiot of epic proportions, but I think she is going to try and run for president. I remember thinking after the election “well the good news is in four years people won’t even remember who she is”. Unfortunately she’s not as dumb as I gave her credit for. First the book, now the Fox deal. And there is talk of …

Originally I started the Straight Nope because my friend Ed was going to write them. But somehow I ended up doing them all. That didn’t stop me from hitting him up today with a nope to write about, and he spit out a list like some kind of instant messenger robot. Square-toed shoes, oonce oonce boys, express for men, locavores, bedazzling on men’s shirts, orange people, the greening of America, art dads, the MLS. I guess he has been holding these back for a while. I had to ask what …

Ape
I started hanging out with this girl and I think I really like her. She does all sorts of rad shit that seems like she’s just perfect for me. She likes all the same music (which is a plus..) and the other night we were at the taco truck an she bought me a guava Jarritos without even asking me. Straight to the heart. My question is… is it lame to use this stuff as a gauge to how cool they are as a girlfriend? Or does it all count? …